the emasculation of patriarchy.

Here's what we mean when we say "men cry too"...

When they say men cry too, it is usually misread as a clarion call for men to always shed tears at the slightest. The champions of patriarchy often, in response to this, decry the attempt to “effeminise” men and turn the supposed pillars of our society into sobbing, unhelpful versions of themselves.

What’s the truth to this?

What is often missed is that the phrase men cry too is at its heart, a call for acknowledging men’s emotions. It’s not inherently about crying but about humanising men. It’s about taking away the untrue idea that men are unemotional creatures doomed to go through life without ever really being seen.

It means men are human too, and that’s okay.

It is a very dichotomous, black-and-white view of life that causes men to flinch at the concept. One that is in itself a consequence of the dehumanisation of men and masculinity.

Masculinity has been associated with a false sense of stolidity for so long, that whenever an attempt is made to add in some colour and depth, men themselves do not know how to deal with this.

We’re so often told that we need to be men in situations that have nothing to do with our gender at all. A man is expected to be a provider but is also somehow made to believe that this cannot be done while his emotions are considered.

This ideology is entrenched in men because it is taught and reiterated from childhood. The boy child is told not to express his emotions because he is a man and any expression of his emotional state is dismissed as unmanly.

The result of this internalisation is that we see threads on Twitter and WhatsApp statuses about how men should not cry because that makes them utterly useless to society. Men reject the possibility that their own emotions are valid because it’s often an entirely new concept to them.

This also stems from fear as well. If men have been told their entire lives that their emotions do not matter, what are they to make of this sudden change in the narrative? How can they expect and believe that their emotions will be taken into proper consideration and not used as a benchmark to measure their masculinity as it previously has?

Why is masculinity even so associated with a lack of emotions? There is some subtle misogyny to the idea that both intensifies and underscores the importance of the humanisation and relevance of men’s emotions.

That idea that men are utterly ineffective when they are in touch with their emotions alludes to the idea that women are less effective members of society because they, unlike men, are more in touch with their emotions.

Again, this is untrue. Emotions are felt by every human being. Pretending like you do not feel them doesn’t make them go away. They’re always there. Not succumbing to them is, of course, something that anybody is capable of, regardless of their gender.

The men cry too movement is not so much about an attempt to turn men into weeping messes, but about acknowledging and accepting the reality that men, like every member of our society, have emotions.

This means that we should not dismiss their emotions, but acknowledge and accept them. We should be aware enough of this emotional side that in our dealings with men, we treat them with the kindness and consideration that every human being deserves.

To the men reading this, I hope you let yourself accept this kindness when it comes your way. You are strong and courageous, and acknowledging your emotions is not going to take anything away from that.

Comments (26):

  1. Three❤️

    August 26, 2022 at 7:29 pm

    This was a very beautiful read ❤️

  2. Ayomide

    August 26, 2022 at 7:41 pm

    Ah yes this is the post! You see I have always wanted to write something about this. I had always wanted to define what being a man meant. What being masculine meant and it was until recently I was able to come up with a definition thanks to a book I read by Jordan B Peterson. And I have come to see how it can be easy for society is pin the hide your emotion tag on men and why the tag might have stayed for so long. This was delightful to read Victory! This for writing something this thoughtful!

    • Victory Okoyomoh

      August 27, 2022 at 7:41 am

      Thank you for reading ??

      It’s an unfortunate cycle that I really hope we break soon ?

  3. Big Name

    August 26, 2022 at 7:57 pm

    Elite piece

  4. Femi Ore-Ewi

    August 26, 2022 at 8:07 pm

    More men need to hear the message

    • Femi Ore-Ewi

      August 26, 2022 at 8:07 pm

      Includes the society at large

  5. Godswill

    August 26, 2022 at 8:23 pm

    This is lovely. It’s like what I say to people we’re humans before our gender.

  6. Ibrahim A. Hassan

    August 26, 2022 at 8:49 pm

    Of course, the emotions we are talking about here are the negative ones that. e.g
    anxiety, sadness, depression etc. Like you said, whether or not men show them, they are nonetheless present.

    But what I think is the major problem with “Men cry too”, is the consequence of taking the advice. The systemic response men get after showing vulnerabilities are mostly not encouraging sadly; ranging from nonchalance to outright ridicule. Notably, this comes not only from men but also women, and which is sad, because they are those from whom men hope to get a better response, at least being those whom the society has mostly greeted their expressed emotions with empathy since forever .

    Mr Wrights, I look forward to a sequel to this article where you explore what men would want as a response to them expressing their vulnerabilities and the current state of our society on this.

    Thank you.

    • Victory Okoyomoh

      August 27, 2022 at 7:59 am

      Your comment is very insightful, thank you for sharing. I think it’s a valid point you’ve raised about the reaction to these emotions not being quite as empathetic as it should be. Sadly, I think that’s owing to the fact that we still have a long way to go with regards to humanising and accepting men’s emotions. I hope it gets better ?

  7. Precious Cole.

    August 28, 2022 at 12:29 pm

    Beautiful piece Victory.

  8. Mojisola

    August 29, 2022 at 6:34 am

    Another enlightening read as usual❤
    And so very important, oh so very important. The ‘damage’ parts of our culture- its teachings- have done to our society, will only be repaired with time, lots of it, and conscious and deliberate relearning, I’m afraid.

    Like this here, it would take deliberate conviction on the part of each individual, to act rightly in response to the Men Cry Too movement, and the practical daily life examples. For women; to not scoff, or sneer at any general show of emotional action by men. And men; to not automatically feel all these things you listed up there- fear, unfamiliarity, and so on.
    I can’t even pretend to understand the true depths of this issue, I can only imagine, but I try to respond to it with empathy (the empathy we are acclaimed to have in abundance).

    Great work here, Victory, really❤

  9. Obomighie Freedom

    August 29, 2022 at 7:44 am

    Nice one…very enlightening

  10. Mercy

    August 31, 2022 at 8:36 am

    Beautiful Piece.

  11. Uwa

    September 1, 2022 at 8:44 am

    This is a great post

  12. Osunde victory

    October 24, 2022 at 11:06 am

    This post should reach every men
    A lot of men need to read this
    Very enlightening

  13. Charles

    November 23, 2022 at 6:44 pm

    Amazing read. The world should be more aware of this


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